The Queen/Queen
Dear your majesty,
I have been a big fan of The Queen since 1972. It all started for me when I heard your record ‘Killer queen’ – I was particularly impressed with your injunction that you were ‘guaranteed to blow your [my] mind’ and ‘strike you [me] down with a laser beam’. It was all enormously exciting.
One thing that puzzles me is your Christmas day shows. Every year I tune in expectantly. But, thus far, I have never any of The Queen songs and I have been slightly alarmed at your lack of facial hair and tights. Also, where is that bloke with the big curly hair (Robin Day, I think he’s called)?
I have a few questions. I have been puzzled by some of the words on your great big hit ‘Bohemian Rhapsodies’. What is a ‘skaramoosh’? My friend told that it is a language spoken by cows - could you enlighten me, your majesty?
As you are God’s representative on Earth can you tell me if he has any special messages for me? Have you any tips for keeping out of hell?
Finally, can I have your autograph? If possible, I’d like one of you in a leather jumpsuit with Robin Day and the boring ones in the background.
Thanks very much,
Alan
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